My blah moment (part uno)...

Its been crazy lately.. CRAZY! No idea when its daytime and when its night.. Literally. I just thought will stop by.. Been ages I updated something. Well as usual its going to start with almost nothing in hand.. Just keep writing whatever you feel like. Look around. Wander. Get lost and that come back!..

Do you know what I want right now? I want a decent sleep!!!!.. I want to jailbreak my ipod!! lol.. I want a new bike.. I want to LEARN about bikes :).. I want shorter hair and then me not crying over it.. I want COLDPLAY in India! (woohoooo).. I want the tickets to my trip in July NOW.. And it to be cheap of course.. I want good skin ! I want Depp and Dylan as well!!!!!!.. If only dream could come true!.. I just thought will start with my wants.. Silly as they may sound, they still keep running in my head again and again.. I want telepathy.. Wouldn’t that be much better than twitter! lol. By the way, I know.. Of course I do, that most of it is impossible.. Like a decent sleep.. And most of it is jus days away.. Like having Depp ! lmao!..

I have been conflicting lately.. Trying to find something called soul satisfaction.. People who do what they dislike or hate completely will know what I am trying to say.. When you put in your efforts into something, you expect an outcome that will at least please you, if nothing else. And when you put in more than 12 hrs almost daily, it becomes a habit. So you let go of the fact that it mite not be satisfying you at all. You just start concentrating on the fact that its keeping you busy. You might not want to face it. But don’t worry, its still there.. Right behind you.. And coming back to my wants.. I want soul satisfaction. And frankly, I am not getting any.. NOT HAPPY!!!! lol..

i might be thinking too much into it.. it can be termed as waste of time. Instead I can just put that time into doing something that i want to. Like sleeping.. But these are the things that run in your head all day. There is always a small little bitch in you called conscience that will kick your ass so hard that you will have to listen to it.. I tried to kill it but failed.. ohh well i do know how to coax it to jus shut up for some time.. Works!!.. But happiness is never away.. When I play with dogs.. And yes, I DO prefer dog over kids!!!.. Or when I listen to my ipod.. Or for that matter.. When I keep playing the 'lite' games over and over, and oh yes, OVER again (whoever told me they will jailbreak it for me, p.s., its for YOU!!).. When with cousins and friends.. For egs, best time recently was while watching avatar !! lol... I don’t know what I wrote about.. Whether it was concentrating on something I feel or just good ol’ rambling.. Whatever it is, m glad its out now.. At least I updated!!!!..

Love and rgrds,

Rush...

maybe..this is it !...

Maybe i am blank about what lies ahead, maybe i am just plain ignorant. Maybe i am just a scared sissy deep inside, or maybe i am at ease when i am stronger to my emotions.
Maybe its all the conflicts inside me that get me all worked up. Maybe its all the conflicts outside and around me that get me all disturbed. Maybe its a life led that always feels incomplete. Maybe its you. Or maybe, just maybe, its ME and dats it..

If its a crises that goes on, you take a road less travelled. You want to bump into a pure state of happiness, something unheard of. You take chances with things you are not familiar with so that you dont get judged. You stay away from something called faithful reliability. You face people with a surprising ease yet u shiver to go back to those who had your back forever. Could it be because novelty is appealing?.

Ever being at crossroads? Cannot decide which way to go. Mostly between old and new. dont be.... It gives a very bad vibe. You go on a new path and feel that you didnt give justice to your old self and old relationships. But then again, if You choose an old path, u will regret it someday and wonder for the rest of your life that.. if only !...

And if you know where you are right now, good for you !.. enjoy it before it is over. Should you be worried bout you future or just be calm and let it unfold at its own sweet pace. Make up your mind. You cant change your past actions but you CAN change your future consequences.

Maybe you need to wake up to reality, maybe you need to shake things up. Maybe you need to go back to your roots to find out all the answers or maybe you should just sit and wait anxiously for a new beginning.
Or Maybe, just maybe, you need to do both so that in the end, you may finally realise that its all worth it !...

lemme kno..
byee tc,
love,
Rush...

**FREE HUGS** my campaign!...

Everyone has been talkin bout everything regarding the blasts.. everywhere.. insensitive media, pathetic politicians, a system that is soo fuckin hap-hazard dat even as 20sumthin terrorists come n blast away our city, they STILL donno wat to do.. army saved us.. everyone is back to normal.. well almost.. there are still protest rallies n meeting n gatherings.. everyone talks.. screams.."wants to spread awareness".. but action wise.. wat are we doin???

m no expert or a savior either.. of course not !!!.. i was scared like any other person.. to leave the house, to meet ppl, to breathe.. but i have to..on 3rd december 08, wen there was suppose to a like, really huge , n i MEAN huge gathering at gateway, i thought ,somehow, i really need to b there.. donno y.. after all, ppl will get back to wat they do in a few hrs of screamin, shouting, abusing politicians, etc..but still.. thot lets go !!!!..

n wen i did reach there, i sumhow knew i m gonna do sumthin very different than anyone there.. i started a FREE HUGS campaign !!!!!!!!.. free hugs!!!.. m sure u hav heard of it.. somehow i jus felt, rather than screamin abuses, if u reach out to ppl who are there, affected, it can , maybe nt for all, make a difference to sum ppl atleast!!!.. alone, i held d 'free hugs- for peace n solidarity" banner outside mondegar!!.. as i did so, ppl stared, laughed , walked away.. i got scared but i knew if m doin it, i m gonna do it GOOD !!!.. after holdin it for 5 mins, i screamed "anyone??" !!!.. n then it began.. started wit 3 girls who were standin there.. i suddenly saw a group of 7-10 standing there.. ready to hug an absolute stranger!!!!.. n as i wished peace to all, i recieved everythin good !!!.. everyone complimented, blessed n wished me back !!!.. heck !! so much so dat, one female said sumthin dat almost got me in tears !!!!..

i walked towards regal.. hugging ppl..clickin snaps wit everyone !!!.. n then wen i was on my way back to causeway, my frnd FINALLY showed up n i got d bestest hug of d evenin frm her !!!!!!!!!!.. .. holdin d banner, i head towards leos.. d place where it all started..it was sooo freakin crowded.. but i knew if m doin dis, i m goin to do in in leos too !!!.. so wit d help of d security guard, me n my frnd entered .. n as soon as everyone seen me, OMG !!!! d response dat i got was sooo emotionally satisfying!!.. believe u mee, i got a standing ovation !!!! twice !!!!!.. n everyone was gettin up to hug me!!!....

there is sooo much more to say bout it.. but i kno i cant go on n on!!.. but i wud like to thank all those 250+ ppl who gave me hugs !!!.. n thank god , NO perverts!!!.. lolz... i finished within sumtime but i knew i was satisfied n i knew i also helped ppl.. god bless..
comments..
byeee tc,
god bless...

YOU choose...

What is better?? heart over mind OR mind over heart??.. u make ample of decisions daily.. from simple ones to some really complicated.. n the best n the most oftenly used option is : leave it for time or 'god' to heal!!.. well, to an extent i understand d time factor healing a person..but 'god' is wat i never understood..!!.. no, i m no atheist or a worshippor of devil or sumthin like dat.. i too believe in d power of 'god'.. but spiritually..mentally.. but somehow it still hinders me to think of 'god' deciding for u.. coz if 'god' was suppose to make decisions for u, why d hell wud he/she put u in dat problem in d 1st place !!!!.( 'she' coz i firmly believe dat 'god' is a female!!!)...

and i m no one to argue with wat other ppl believe in.. to each its own i believe.. its not being rude, its jus that ignorance is bliss.. to put it in better words, i ignore wat i fail to understand , especially when the force is far more in nos and stronger than my beliefs.. but thats not in all cases. i DO try to figure out wat i m not able to understand. but its a simple rule for me there, if i dnt find any practical logic behind it, i chuck it out of my mind.. *ignorance is bliss*.. makes me happy n the opposite party is content.. the world becomes a happy place again !!! lol.. n also, m no Newton to go deep inside the funda of finding out WHY the apple fell, although it was as great as sliced bread, its just not me !!.. so i be with peace with watever i got !

back to the question..its not that i m in some kind of a difficult situation.. its just that a few days back, over a little(little??!!) vod, there was this discussion goin on with my closest frnds which went on for like, d entire night, regarding religion, spirituality, riots,communalism, basis of religions, etc., and somehow, it all came down to wat each one thinks n then we all ultimately hope that its practical enough that a common person will think bout global warming BEFORE thinking bout whos religion is better than the rest of the same !!!!!!...

comments...
byeee..tc...
love,
Rush...

2nd encounter...

So wenever i m on this soul searching/karma improving/aura cleansing phase of my life ( had to b.. since i had no other option last whole month..was completely down health wise!), i always wonder whether everythin wit me is goin well or no... after a long phase of depression i finally found the happiness that can only b defind as contentment wit myslf.. gazing at d bright blue sky ..or d dampened soil of earth, its worth waitn for a moment n reminscing.. n i do dat a lot.. call me a day dreamer or even a lost spirit.. but dats me!.. n its fun to b mee !!! lolz.. wen i m me, i get to think a lot n also ponder upon other things a lot.. although sumtimes its annoyin.. like, gettin up in d middle of d nite jus so dat i can think peacefully !!!!! not dat i m doing that deliberately !!!!

So there is a world where i can actually get watever i want.. so there is a world where everything works my way..so there is a world where i have all the ppl i love n care for so that i dnt hav to see pests like how i do in this world.. there is a world where i m wat i m !!!.. n so wat if the world is in me . makes me happy !!!!! here, i think bout my mistakes so dat i can learn to get up on my own !.. here, i can be happy with myslf for doing things that i like.. n ask me how good it makes me feel ! does it take some strength to make ur own world.. i think it does.. but wen its ready, its all worth it ! as u kno, its important to b at peace with oneself.. its helps to hav own world to attain d peace. Dnt ask me wat strength it requires.. i only know that it does.

all may look incomplete, but look closely, its all there.. complete picture..all u need is to put the jigsaw pieces in order n wallah !!!!!!!...

Encounter with the 'SL'eeper self...

Its funny as to wat all u can do wen u are tryin to sleep but d darn sand master jus wudnt come n pour some sleeping sand on u.. so ur mind wanders n u start gettin all philosophical about life.. d daily day-to-day experience, d casual meetings, etc.. well,i too get all philo-guru types... n was jus wonderin the other day as to wats up wit my life..

well after all d "shit-happens" moments, i realised dat its really gr8 dat i m still very much alive !!!!! d last blink i take b4 sleepin mite turn out to b THE last.. u neva kno.. but wen i get up n with d sleepy eyes i look arnd.. i feel good, honoured dat i m witnessin another day, another miracle of the powers above!!!!! (c, this is exactly d type of philosophy i was talkin bout!!) but newys, i cant ramble a thank u speech everytime i get up.. so i jus behave in a normal, human-ly manner.. I CRIB !!!!

n dats d way it goes.. d daily part n parcel of life.. one goes to sleep all grateful.. n gets up all irritated.. maye coz u had a nightmare, someone woke u up badly-baby cryin,pathetic alarm, phone ringin, ppl talkin laudly, mornin chat shows.. blaah blaah.. but u still cursed d mornin for comin so soon.. coz yeah, u hardly slept !!!.. but u still get up.. takin all the energies n suck them into u jus so dat u can get up !! nooo not a waste of energy , my frnd.. its utility !!!.. u look arnd.. then realise dat u need to b sumwhere.. work, college, school.. anywhere.. n as imagined.. u will b late.. but dats okie !!.. coz u knoooooo... aahhh dats d part of d sadistic plan.. TO ACT LATE so dat ur family gives u d 1st preference for bathrooms, breakfast, etc !!!.. n then u r out !!!!!!!!.. success !!!!!!!

so d day begins.. u slog, gossip, roam , eat, travel, do all sorts of mundane silly n yet outrageous stuffs dat r a part of ur daily routine !!!!... again u come home all tired n before u kno it, its bed A.K.A. philosophical time again.. maybe this time u wont think so much coz u gotta think bout d next days chores.. but still.. i kno.. deep down inside.. there is a guru jus waitin to burst and come out.. !!!!!!..
comments pls..

good nite ye allll !!..
ciao !!..
byee n takecare,
love,
rush...

The metaphor of reality n illusions !...

Life is pretty.. Pretty good, pretty bad..Naaahh. jus pretty.. wit all its ups n downs, it still looks beautiful ..accept it, no matter how much u try to avoid, there WILL be good times with equal share of bad times.. there will be smiles with cries.. there will b a 'loyal' and a 'backstabber'.. there will b a 'forever' and a 'never'.. you cant avoid any of these..

but r u sure u can smile through all of them? no matter how much u try to put up a fake brave smile, there will always be sum1 or the other who will catch u immediately.. watch u laugh for no reason n then wen u turn arnd, will watch u wipe dat tiny tear rollin out of ur moist eye.. n then u turn around to laugh again.. but r questioned by a face with all the possibilities of breakin u down then n there..but brave as u r, u jus smile and say 'nothin'.. no.. its has to be 'everythin' !!.. whats hurtin u soo much dat u cant even afford a genuine smile??..

Its very easy to run away, frm the same problems u take home and go to sleep wit.. frm the same people u r afraid to confront , frm the same desires u r afraid to STAND UP for !!.. n trust me wen i say, i have seen a fair share of ppl doin it all !!.. so afraid, dat they r ready to let go of every special thing in their life jus bcoz of their inability to say the truth.. hiding in the shadows of those who support ur coward act is easy bcoz of the sense of pride they provide u.. but wats difficult is wen ppl ask u to face it.. standing within the shade of cowardness, its easy to forget that yes, u can also b wrong.. n slowly , it creeps onto u.. gettin carried away n proving that u r the most happiest person arnd in spite wat happened to u n bcoz of u..u jus give others a chance to laugh AT u.. n also the fact that u r still a coward.. prompts them to laugh even more.. soo, r the fake, glorious, convincing shadows of d coward world so appealing that u have forgotten that its all just an illusion n d truth is out there.. under d sun.. y r u so scared of the sun, or the sunburnt?? r u so disturbed that u need a fake smile to prove that u r happy??.. dont u know that even if u get a sunburn, its the reality.. dont u want to b at peace with ur inner self n accept that yes, this is wat i deserve..its just d starting steps that r difficult.. life is much easier after facing the fears.. after facing d ppl u run away frm, at least u will know if it was meant to b with u or not?!!!..who knos, mayb the ppl who r promptin u to come out r the same ppl who can help heal ur burns.. honesty hurts..but dats the real deal.. hmm no wonder its not accepted or followed.. TRUTH IS UGLY... ppl r materialistic n thats y lie is so attractive.. so much so that its the source of our happiness.. if u ARE happy then, y r u still thinking about the past and goin back into it.. isnt it a personal decision to behave as if it never existed?! U start hating ppl who throw reality at u,hmm, mayb d thot that u will have to face d gruelling sun scares u n thats y u hide !!!! ohh yeah.. that answers all my questions !!.. my, my !!! A genius dat i m... answering my own philosophical questions !!..

go out there, face the sun..come out of the shadow.. r u sure thats where you want to be for the REST OF YOUR LIFE??? no, rite !...

life is pretty.. GOOD pretty.. for me... i m under the sun.. n its fun because its all real.. hmm mayb its time i find out the illusions i was havin n figure out wer i need to dispose them..

will keep u updated with the illusions too..

dont forget.. comments okie..
loads of love,
byee tc...
rush...